Taking The High Road (Or How Courtney and I Almost Wrecked)

That’s quite the title isn’t it? Thank you! I worked so hard on it! Oh, you don’t like it? That’s fine. You can have your opinion. It’s wrong, but you can have it. (I’m just kidding please don’t leave).

Let me first say that we didn’t take the high road in the usual sense. Instead, we were literally driving on a high road. There’s a road in our apartment complex that sits on a hill, thus making parts of it higher than others. See what I did there? Ugh I’m so clever sometimes. I just can’t help it. Anyway, back to my story. We were heading back towards our apartment and, as she should, Courtney slowed down to check for any oncoming cars. WELL OUR NEW FRIEND DIDN’T OKAY?! Oh no. He comes flying around the corner, going well over the posted speed limit for that road. The roads around our complex are a little weird, so feel free to stare at the diagram below as you read. I don’t know how you’ll stare at it and read at the same time, but y’all are talented. I believe in you.

 APT

The red arrows indicate the road(s) that are one-way, and the star is where this accident almost took place. So, this dude – we’ll call him Kevin- is just driving like a bat out of Hell. I don’t know Kevin’s life, so I am not here to pass judgement. I’m just here to pass some knowledge. Kevin, sweet, sweet Kevin, if you’re turning a corner and you can’t see the road clearly enough to search for oncoming traffic, SLOW THE F*CK DOWN. JEEZE MAN. You could have caused a serious accident! Just because the road you’re on is a one-way, that doesn’t mean the one you’re turning onto is! YOU’VE BEEN LIVING HERE MAN. YOU SHOULD KNOW! You had to have been going at least 25-30 mph. Like, come on dude. And if you can’t be bothered to slow down, at least turn onto the correct side of the street.

You have to give Courtney and myself credit though. As this was happening, neither one of us screamed or squealed or did any stereotypical girl things. Instead, Courtney pressed on  her brakes more and said, “Oh, shit” as I silently pointed to Kevin’s blue car. There were maybe 3 inches in between the two cars. We had a 5 second stare-down before both cars began to back up. Being the gentleman he is, Kevin let us pass by before attempting to continue his journey. The entire conversation between Courtney and myself pretty much boiled down to: “If he had hit us, it would have been his fault and I would have been SO SALTY.” – Courtney

And honestly, it would have been his fault. There aren’t any signs or anything, but anyone with any kind of driving knowledge or prowess knows to turn onto the correct side of the street, slow down, and ALWAYS LOOK FOR ONCOMING TRAFFIC. YOU HEARING THIS KEVIN? HUH!?

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Valentine’s Day: Don’t be an Ass Today

Ok, so, this didn’t actually happen on Valentine’s Day,but I was out celebrating it yesterday and I just..When this happened, it was an immediate “This is what my blog will be about this week.”

Last night, my boyfriend took me out to dinner. We went to this really good restaurant that I absolutely adore. Seriously, the food is really good. As we’re waiting to be seated, there’s this family sitting on the bench across from us. There was one member of the family I just straight up didn’t like. There was no reason behind it either. Maybe it was just his face or the way he talked, but he opened his mouth and I was just like “lul nope.” One of the kids was annoying too, but that comes in later. These people just…They rubbed me the wrong way. I did my best to ignore them. After all, I was probably glaring at them without even realizing it.

Roger (my boyfriend) and I were seated after a fairly short wait. We ordered our drinks and appetizers and were just enjoying each other’s company when I heard a familiar voice. I didn’t want it to be true, but lo and behold, that same family was seated at the booth I was facing. So, now I was forced to look at some of them. But, oh well, right? They’re just there to enjoy family and good food, and I had no right to dislike them. They had done nothing wrong. EXCEPT THEY DID.

The annoying kid from earlier immediately starts smacking and pulling on the blinds while every other family member just lets him. The kid has to be like 5 or 6. I’d say 4 at the absolute youngest. The point being, he was old enough to know how to behave. And, if there was a reason he didn’t, then his parents should have calmed him down a bit. I get that he legitimately may have had some reason behind acting like this, so I wasn’t even angry at the kid. A little annoyed, yes, but definitely not angry. It was the parents I was a little peeved at. But, I chalked this up to “Let the kid be a kid,” and moved on. No. It was the grandpa of the family that really got me. Their waiter showed up and began to introduce himself, as they are supposed to do. Grandpa decides to just…Guffaw in the poor kid’s face. Immediately, the kid is like, “Great. I get THIS table. Fantastic.” I felt bad for him. Like..The deadpan look on his face just got to me.

We got our drinks and appetizers as the other family is ordering. Now, anyone with any sort of sense knows that, if a table has been seated before you and they already have their appetizers as you are ordering yours, chances are you’re not going to get your food at the same time as them. Apparently, this particular table, namely the grandpa, lacks sense. Shortly after that table had ordered, they received their appetizers. Pretty good service, considering how busy the restaurant was. Everything was going great. Roger and I were enjoying delicious cheese fries for about 10 minutes before we were given our meals. At this point, it had been approximately 15-20 minutes after The Table had ordered. Their waiter- we’ll call him Craig – came back to refill drinks and take away empty plates. Grandpa looked over the booth and saw that we already had our food. Apparently, this wasn’t acceptable. He then loudly proclaims “Where’s our food?!” This wasn’t a genuine question, like he was concerned because they’d been waiting long or because there were kids at the table. Oh no. He said this because Roger and I had our food already. It’s almost like we’d been seated before them! Isn’t that crazy? Craig then had to explain that the kitchen has to plate the food and put it on a tray before the servers can touch it, so he was waiting on that and then the food would be out. Grandpa then continued to talk in a tone of voice that suggested Craig should feel honored to be waiting on them and that Craig needed to thank him, since Grandpa had so kindly blessed Craig with his presence. When The Table was given food, I could hear the family complaining that we had gotten our food first when “those kids had only been here 10 minutes before us, and it’s just them. We have small kids with us!” After we left, Roger and I got to talking and we both realized that the family probably didn’t even give Craig a good tip, if they tipped at all.

In case you’re that family, and you happen to read this, THE WORLD DOES NOT OWE YOU ANYTHING. You are NOT entitled to your food before anyone else simply because you have small children. If a table is seated before you, unless there’s a mistake with their order, they will get their food first. Instead of being pretentious, be happy you can afford to go out.

Happy Valentine’s Day, and quite being an ass or my foot is going up yours. (Was that too far? Probably. Am I erasing it? Heck no! I LIVE LIFE ON THE EDGE!)

Super Bowl vs. Kitten Bowl: The Real Battle

Before I begin, I have some great news: MY TABLET PEN HAS RETURNED TO ME! I was only without it for a week, but that week seemed to drag on forever. I may or may not have held the pen lovingly against my face as a choir of angels sang sweet tunes. I’m not exaggerating. It was that blissful.

Penchan

That being said, it’s Super Bowl Sunday. Otherwise known as: I’m not watching dudes throw a ball because the kitTEN BOWL IS TODAY AND THAT’S THE REAL DEAL. Yeah, sure. The dudes are wearing tight pants. Great. Woo hoo. But…HAVE YOU SEEN HOW CUTE CATS ARE BECAUSE I THINK THAT’S A LITTLE MORE IMPORTANT. They’re always so fuzzy and they perform the halftime show at the Puppy Bowl. They’re so multi-talented. Anyone can throw the ol’ pigskin around. But not anyone can be a cat. You see where I’m going here? Huh? Huuuuh? Yeah you do.

Now, a SouperBowl Sunday is more my speed. But there is now way I’m doing any kind of traveling on this day. Oh no. I should have prepared..Bought some bread bowls and an assortment of soups so I have some delicious foods to watch while I stare at cats being adorable and my boyfriend silently judges me from hours away. My roommate would join me though. She accepts me. And also because cats. If people didn’t know better, they’d assume I’m a crazy cat lady. Maybe I will be, someday. Who knows? I can’t see into the future. That’d be really cool though. On a related tangent, I was supposed to make a prediction about the world in the next 100 years. I decided that cats would take over the world. Mostly because I thought it’d be hilarious to translate and read. Spoiler: I was right. The class got a kick out of it, including the teacher. For anyone who’s interested, here’s the romanization: 100(hyaku) nengo, neko ga sekai wo shihaishite iru deshou. I don’t know exactly where I was going with that. I was actually planning to write about the Super Bowl. I think I saw a hashtag on Twitter about the Kitten Bowl or something.

When it comes to sports, I know enough that I can have a favorite team and not appear to just be jumping on the bandwagon, which is awesome. However, it’s super easy for me to get confused and/or lost when watching the game. Mostly because I’m just trying to understand why certain players where given penalties. I have to give everyone I watch sports with credit; they’re always willing to help me understand. Bless them. Football-wise, I have 3 teams I like, though I stay proud of and true to my favorite, my number 1. I’m not entirely sure I want to share the three teams with you. It’d be more fun to leave you guessing…Leave you wondering and questioning your sanity. That actually sounds a bit narcissistic. Like…I doubt my football team choices really affect anyone. I will say that none of my teams are in the Super Bowl this year, so that knocks out the Panthers and Broncos. Though, panthers are a type of cat, so you’d think they’d be my favorite. I’m not that shallow though. I have some standards.

I totally think, in real life, that a panther could take down a horse. Just saying.